How to Stop Eating Like a Goblin with a Google Calendar

Because you’re busy, not broken. And no, coffee isn’t a meal.

Let’s get straight to it:
When life is coming at you like a toddler with a tambourine, eating well is the first thing to fall apart. You start your day with good intentions (smoothie, water, maybe a stretch), and somehow end it elbow-deep in a bag of slap chips asking, “How did we get here again?”

If that sounds familiar — congratulations, you’re not alone. You’re just busy. But busy doesn’t mean you have to fuel your body with regret and rusks.

So here’s the real-life guide to not eating nonsense just because your schedule is nonsense.

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1. Stop calling it a “meal plan”

Let’s be honest — if you say “meal plan,” your brain immediately checks out and starts craving a croissant. So don’t plan meals. Just pre-decide a few go-to options you actually like and can throw together faster than a panic scroll on Takealot.

For example:

• Mornings? Protein smoothie, overnight oats, or scrambled eggs you made in a fog but somehow pulled off.
• Lunch? Leftover soup from Sunday batch cook (you did make the soup, right?) or a chicken + quinoa bowl you prepped while pretending your life was together.
• Snacks? Fruit, boiled eggs, nuts, or that one brand of protein bar that doesn’t taste like cardboard.

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2. If you’re going to snack — snack like a grown-up

Yes, you’re allowed snacks. No, that doesn’t mean licking peanut butter off a spoon while crying in front of the fridge.

Make your snacks intentional. Put them in a container. Take them with you. Pretend you’re someone who plans things. Eventually, you’ll become her.

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3. Batch the basics (because you’re already making life hard enough)

Here’s the secret: your fridge should feel like a well-behaved mini takeaway — stocked with healthy things that don’t require thought.

Things I batch that save me daily:

• Soup (obviously)
• Grilled chicken breasts
• Quinoa (you can freeze it!)
• Hard-boiled eggs
• Those weird-but-effective egg muffins

If it’s in the fridge and ready to go, you’ll eat it. If not, your brain will order slap chips and tell you it’s a reward for surviving the day.

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4. Learn the art of the “throw-it-together” salad

Some days I eat like a goddess. Other days I dump lettuce, tuna, avo, and leftover chicken into a bowl, squeeze a lemon over it, and call it a masterpiece.

Is it pretty? No.
Is it Instagram-worthy? Also no.
Does it stop me from eating leftover fish fingers off my kid’s plate? Yes.

That’s a win.

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5. Don’t shop when you’re tired, hangry, or emotionally unstable

You know how you go to Pick n Pay for “just milk” and come back with a chocolate croissant, three types of cheese, and instant regret?

Yeah. That’s avoidable.

Make a list.
Eat before you shop.
Stick to the list like your sanity depends on it.
Because it kind of does.

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6. Accept the imperfect days — and keep going

There will be days you eat toast and tea for dinner and call it “rustic minimalist cuisine.” That’s fine.

The key is to not let one messy day spiral into a messy week.

You don’t need to eat clean. You just need to eat like you care about yourself — a little. Consistently.

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Final Thoughts from the Unfiltered Corner

I’m not here to shame your chips or confiscate your rusks.

I’m just here to say this:

You deserve to feel good — even if your schedule is bonkers and your gym tights haven’t been washed in a week.

Prep a little. Eat enough. Don’t skip meals. And if all else fails, drink the water and breathe.

We’re not chasing perfection. We’re chasing peace — and maybe a few extra veggies.

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